Letters to Lily
by Kittyjkat21
Summary: Full summary inside. A little collection of poems within a small drabble-like story.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail or any of the characters, and this is one of the few stories where I don't add OC's, lol.

**Description:** Shagotte leaves a journal in Pantherlily's room soon after the Exceeds move from Edolas to Earthland. It's filled with her poetry and true feelings for him, as well as a letter telling Pantherlily the truth about Charlotte being his daughter.

**Rating:** I'm gonna' say K+. I don't think there's any Teen themes in this one either. There may be like a couple of blotted out curse slips and vague suggestions (not really specific enough where one can tell exactly), but other than that, I don't think it's mature enough for a T rating, lol.

**A/N: Okay, Dark Savior 1, I know this isn't exactly what you requested, but I hope it's okay; this story just popped up in my head and I'm like, "Wow. I really like this" so I really hope you enjoy the read. And to all the readers of "Of Straus Siblings and Thunder Bodyguards", don't worry, I haven't abandoned it, just filling out a little ShagottexPantherlily oneshot.**

**LETTERS TO LILY**

Pantherlily stretched and flexed his muscles after a long bout of sword fighting with Erza. Such sparring was good to develop his muscles and keeping his instincts sharp. He was beginning to hold his form for longer, as well.

"Yo, Lily." Pantherlily looked over at Gajeel, who was sprawled out on his bed, hands behind his mess of raven spikes. "Your girlfriend dropped some book off." Gajeel pointed to the table.

"Girlfriend?" Pantherlily inquired, picking up the book. _Shagotte, 96th Monarch of the Exceeds._

"Yeah, Queen what's-her-face."

"Queen Shagotte. It's not that hard to remember." Rolling his eyes, Pantherlily opened the cover.

_Dear Lily,_

_ I cannot express how sorry I am to have banished you. But seeing as I am not even allowed to lay eyes on you ever again, I cannot tell you anyway. Just know that I love you still, even though you must feel deep pain and betrayal at my despicable actions. Believe me, my dear Lily, I will never forgive myself for casting you out just because you came to a human's aid. If I could reverse my decision, I would in a heartbeat._

_ I have left this book in your possession so that I can somehow let you know the pain that I felt when I had to let you go. I am also leaving this book in your possession to inform you that you are Charle's father._

_ Quite truthfully, I would understand if you burned this book because of what I've done to you. I just...I suppose I just hoped that you still love me as I love you._

_ Your one and only,_

_ Shagotte_

Pantherlily read in silence, sighing just as silently. _I always suspected Charlotte was my daughter. Though...I don't know how Shagotte doesn't realize I'd never stopped loving her. I tried to make that fact clear when I saved her... "Despite what you've done to me in the past...you'll always be my queen"..._

Pantherlily turned the page, his eyes falling on a poem. He smiled. Shagotte had always loved poetry; and she knew that he always loved reading the poems that she wrote. He flipped through the pages, seeing that every poem she'd ever written (to his knowledge) were present. The fact made his smile grow even broader.

_**A Nuisance**_

_He's aggravating,_  
_And yet he still finds a way_  
_To bring forth my smile._  
_He's always prying_  
_And poking his nose into_  
_Things that he shouldn't._  
_But he's not even_  
_Fazed when I chastise him_  
_Harshly for his childish ways._  
_True, he is quite the _  
_Nuisance, and yet I find I_  
_Enjoy his presence._  
_I try to study_  
_To take on my duties for_  
_My much-loved kingdom._  
_Yes, he is quite the_  
_nuisance, but he is purely my_  
_Very own nuisance._

Pantherlily chuckled, remembering the first time that he and Shagotte had met. He was looking up types of blades and weapons for his training when he'd found her hidden behind stacks and stacks of books on history, battle strategies, ancient kings and queens, myths and legends, literature, and so many other academic subjects; much like Gajeel's Levy McGarden. He remembered how high Shagotte had jumped when he'd said hello, and how hard she'd smacked him when he called her d*** sexy.

_**I Will Not**_

_I will not fall for him,_  
_I will not fall for him,_  
_I will not fall for him!_  
_I will not sacrifice my focus on ruling my kingdom_  
_I will not indulge in any distractions_  
_I will not fail to perform my duty as queen over the Exceeds_  
_I will not fail to protect my people from the humans_  
_I will not fall for him, _  
_I will not fall for him,_  
_I will not fall for him!_  
_True, he is my most trusted warrior_  
_And my best friend_  
_And in truth I am very much in love with him,_  
_But despite all this!_  
_I will not, must not fall into this...this affair!_  
_I will not, I will not..._

Again, Pantherlily remembered the times he and Shagotte spent together, how much he loved her. How she had been so adamant about them not being together. How he'd been equally adamant that they were meant for each other, despite what the stuffy old elders thought.

_**Falling Apart**_

_I'm falling apart_  
_But I can't say that's a bad thing._  
_This light feeling in my heart,_  
_The joy that it brings..._  
_I tell him yes,_  
_That he is the one I love._  
_Such a beautiful mess_  
_Is this, raining down from above._  
_I'm falling apart_  
_My composure, my dignity,_  
_But he has my heart,_  
_And he loves me._  
_What more do I need _  
_Than his comforting arms_  
_With every breath I breathe,_  
_I know I am far from the dark._  
_I'm falling apart,_  
_But that doesn't matter now_  
_The thing that matters is our hearts_  
_Will never let their lights fade out._  
_Though I fall apart, _  
_He's putting me back together and making me new,_  
_Pantherlily, you have my heart,_  
_And I'm glad that I have yours, too._

Looking at the date, Pantherlily saw that this was just after they'd secretly gotten married behind the elders' backs. He smirked his fingers lightly ghosting across the page in nostalgic awe. Even though this wasn't his first time reading this piece, it still made him swell with pride that he could make Shagotte, the serious and stoic Queen Shagotte, feel such emotions.

_**With One Glance**_

_With one glance, you make my knees buckle_  
_With one smile, you make my heart somersault_  
_With one touch, you make me beautiful_  
_With one chuckle, you make me wonderful_  
_With one word, you make everything right._

It was a short, but sweet poem, one that touched Pantherlily's heart and brought yet another smile to his lips. He remembered this night that she's indicating; such wonderful moments. He remembered them so clearly.

"You been smilin' a lot over there," Gajeel remarked, munching on some iron.

"It's a very nostalgic book."

"Ah," Gajeel grunted, not pausing in his iron munching. "Just keep it from Levy if I ever bring 'er over. Not that she'd intentionally pry; just that she'll read anything with letters and a cover."

Pantherlily chuckled. "Looking at her and Shagotte, I don't see how they haven't grown up together. They're so similar."

Gajeel grunted again, continuing to munch. Pantherlily returned to the journal, flipping to the next page.

_**What have I done**_

_I've sent away the one I love the most_  
_Forced to watch him abandon his long loved post_  
_His proud shoulders slumped down_  
_His feeling of betrayal so solid, so sound_  
_I lower my head to hide the tears_  
_To mourn for all the years;_  
_Years that we could've shared_  
_If only life were fair._  
_Something broke and something hardened in those moments_  
_As I stand in my laments_  
_I will no longer chase after my own happiness_  
_For it has led to something as terrible as this._  
_I have sent away the only one who could love me for who I am_  
_The only one who would truly stand_  
_By my side _  
_And not behind..._  
_He loved me with all he had, just as I love him..._  
_But as he walks away, dejected as I, I sit here, lost in my sin_  
_When I am alone, I let the tears fall_  
_Having given up it all._  
_I must sit here, all alone_  
_On the cold, uncaring throne_  
_That holds a responsibility that freezes the light of the sun_  
_And I must ask myself "What have I done"_

Pantherlily lowered the book into his lap. It hurt her more than it hurt me... He realized. The impact of what seemed like her betrayal had hit him hard, but it had destroyed her. It had destroyed her to let him go and send him away while keeping her composure, pretending that it didn't affect her any more than if she would've had to send one of the elders away.

_**Darkness**_

_My Pantherlily_  
_Has long departed on his_  
_Way, while I still remain._  
_I carry his child,_  
_Wishing he were still here to _  
_Love her beside me._  
_But he doesn't know_  
_Of her existence because_  
_Of my own mistake._  
_I lay in darkness_  
_Hoping my child will still grow_  
_To be loved by all._  
_Perhaps one day she_  
_Will find her father and know_  
_That he loves her too._  
_Yet these hopes still_  
_Seem in vain because of my _  
_Mistakes; my darkness._

This must have been months later, as Shagotte had apparently forgotten to put the date. But she was far enough along to know that she would hatch a girl.

_**Hope?**_

_The world is dying_  
_My egg is dying_  
_My hope is dying_  
_But there may be some hope..._  
_If I give my egg half my power, all of my hope,_  
_She will live; she is my hope._  
_There may be a way, one chance_  
_To save the Exceed children from the fate of this dying world, just one chance. _  
_If I can get them out, then they'll have a chance._  
_I sent them away, on a fake quest, but they'll be safer there, on the other side_  
_Perhaps, wherever he is, Pantherlily will one day find hope, maybe on the other side_  
_Perhaps he will meet his daughter, somewhere on the other side._  
_I just hope it's enough, oh please let there be enough hope._  
_To let them through, this is my plea, my hope._

Each page brought out his emotions. He could feel her fear, pain, depression. He could feel it all. He could feel everything. Once more, Pantherlily wished he'd been by Shagotte's side through this ordeal, instead of training under the prince and Erza Knightwalker. But he could not turn back the sands of time and change the past. He didn't know that he'd be able to do anything different even if he had such an ability.

_**Again We Meet**_

_Again we meet,_  
_My sweet Pantherlily. _  
_If only it were on better terms,_  
_But I can't blame you; you were so severely burned._  
_Those words you said to me _  
_As you caught and saved me_  
_Broke my heart all over again_  
_And made me inwardly weep once more because of my sin._  
_Despite the circumstances, I can't help but feel relieved_  
_That you are alive and well; just as I had wanted to believe._  
_I never meant to hurt you, My love_  
_I can't express that enough._  
_Even though I won't _  
_Blame you if you don't _  
_I can't help but hope you'll forgive me_  
_When again we meet._

Pantherlily smiled to himself, a tear pricking his eye. He wiped it away. Before he'd seen her again, he'd hoped for so long, wished with everything he had, that she still loved him. And the proof was right here in his hands. He continued to read through the poetry, even long after Gajeel had fallen asleep.

By the time Pantherlily put the book down, it was nearly dawn. He sighed to himself, holding the book in his lap, before opening it and reading it again. And again. And once more; over and over until he could recite it by memory, letting it heal his heart bit by bit.

**A/N: Sorry if the poetry is cheesy. I'm not good at writing poetry on specific, planned out themes; I do better when it's random, spontaneous inspiration, you know? Lol, but I really hope y'all enjoyed it, please R&R. This is also my first oneshot, so I hope I did okay~ (Original note.)**

**P.S. Sorry it was so grammatically horrible; I wasn't as careful as I usually am and do apologize. I'm fixing all of my stories that were this way, so bear with me until it's done if you please. I'd also like to see some reviews maybe?**


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